On parenting... No matter how many children we have, they are all different, we love them all the same and yet differently. They are all smart and bright in their own ways and yet it's harder for some and easier for others. Will I ever pass my Ph.D in parenting ??
She is extremely talented in so many ways. She has a pretty voice. She wins poetry contests. Her writings get published in every school journal ever produced. She is one of the actors that the spectators love to listen to when her theatre group does a play. She does very well in school. She draws beautifully.
How does a mother do to not let all this talent go to waste?
Don't read me wrong. She has her 'dark side'.
She is struggling to cope with being a kind older sister... but she has been trying hard and the last few month have shown a gentler and caring side of her. Her bedroom is a battlefield most of the time, but even though I don't let her get away with it, a part of me thinks 'Let this go, she needs an area in her life that is not organised...'
She is so mature I often have to remind her and myself that she is only 12 and that some things are just no acceptable. Some movies, books, jokes, authorizations are too grownup for her and it's up to me to decide. But is it really?
From the age of 12, I personally read and watched everything I wanted to, burnt myself a bit in the process, but nothing got ever really forbidden and if it was, I didn't think it applied to me. Was is right or wrong? I don't regret it for myself, but less information was on hand in the 80's.
I struggle with these questions. I also trust her, she is so smart that I am sure she will make the right judgements as to what is right for her most of the time. Or will she?
She also finds it hard to come and ask for help. So it's a matter of
'Mum, can I show you this?' where I am only allowed to say how much I approve, nothing else.
So I am learning.
Learning to encourage, to provide positive reinforcement, learning to look at a 2-page long poem with only 2 and half spelling mistakes in it and not point them out, learning to kiss her good bye in the morning without asking 'Mmmmmh, did you really comb your hair?', learning to thank her for playing with her sisters instead of telling her off because the game they chose to play is a loud and shrieking tickling game...
I am learning to say no as well. No to sleepovers because she does not do well without sleep and weekends are ruined after a Friday or Saturday sleepover. Late nights are ok, but back home to sleep! No to going to the same drawing lessons as her brother, as it's his special activity. No to paying for another fountain pen because she lost hers 2 weeks after school started.
I am not saying it's easy.
They grow so fast